I have rediscovered a song from the Sidewalk Prophets called This is not Goodbye from their Live Like That CD. It's a beautiful song that speaks to this very idea of letting go so that someone you love can go be who God created them to be. Enjoy...with Kleenex.
Friday, February 21, 2014
This is not Goodbye
Since my children were born, I've known that God has a plan for their lives, an eternal purpose for each one of them. A purpose to bring honor and glory to Him. For this, He has gifted each one of them and given them each a passion for something. (Even if they're unsure of what that is now.) So in my season of preparing to let go of my children, I hold on to the knowledge that God loves each one of them deeply and that He has a great adventure prepared for them. One where they will know Him more intimately and personally. One where they will be salt and light pointing others to God.
I have rediscovered a song from the Sidewalk Prophets called This is not Goodbye from their Live Like That CD. It's a beautiful song that speaks to this very idea of letting go so that someone you love can go be who God created them to be. Enjoy...with Kleenex.
I have rediscovered a song from the Sidewalk Prophets called This is not Goodbye from their Live Like That CD. It's a beautiful song that speaks to this very idea of letting go so that someone you love can go be who God created them to be. Enjoy...with Kleenex.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Being Seen
Lately, I've been watching What not to Wear while I eat lunch. I enjoy watching how the hosts help the contributors realize their potential. They help them to accept who and where they are in life and to dress the body they have, not the body they wish they had. It's fun to see not only the physical transformation, but the emotional one as well.
The contributors vary in age, gender, ethnicity, life experiences, family situations, employment, etc. But I am struck by a recurring theme for many of the female contributors... wanting to be invisible and unknown. They are so afraid of rejection or so used to it that they think being invisible is a better alternative. So they either fade into the back ground or dress in a way to garner attention, but still remain anonymous. How sad. Yet, it's become a way of life for many women. And it's a lonely place to be. I know; I've been there.
Like most women, I long to be seen, to be known, and be loved. Yet, my fear of rejection kept me from letting anyone see the real me for many years. I was so sure that if people really knew me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, that they would pull away or condemn. So I hid. I made sure I didn't stand out. I tried to do the right things, say the right things, and be what others wanted me to be. As I lived trying to be unknown, I found myself withdrawing and isolating. I convinced myself that I didn't have real value. I was sure that in the end no one would miss me. Besides, how can you miss someone you don't really know? But God...
But God stepped in and showed me the truth; God does see me. He knows me fully. It was He who created me; formed me in my mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knows where I've been and what I've done. And yet, get this, He loves me....deeply and unconditionally. There's no need for me to shrink into the shadows and hide. I am fully known and loved by God. And so are you! Let these truths settle in and take root in your heart. Let yourself be seen. Venture out and be who you were created to be. And know your courage just might give others the boldness to step out of the shadows, too....
The contributors vary in age, gender, ethnicity, life experiences, family situations, employment, etc. But I am struck by a recurring theme for many of the female contributors... wanting to be invisible and unknown. They are so afraid of rejection or so used to it that they think being invisible is a better alternative. So they either fade into the back ground or dress in a way to garner attention, but still remain anonymous. How sad. Yet, it's become a way of life for many women. And it's a lonely place to be. I know; I've been there.
Like most women, I long to be seen, to be known, and be loved. Yet, my fear of rejection kept me from letting anyone see the real me for many years. I was so sure that if people really knew me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, that they would pull away or condemn. So I hid. I made sure I didn't stand out. I tried to do the right things, say the right things, and be what others wanted me to be. As I lived trying to be unknown, I found myself withdrawing and isolating. I convinced myself that I didn't have real value. I was sure that in the end no one would miss me. Besides, how can you miss someone you don't really know? But God...
But God stepped in and showed me the truth; God does see me. He knows me fully. It was He who created me; formed me in my mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knows where I've been and what I've done. And yet, get this, He loves me....deeply and unconditionally. There's no need for me to shrink into the shadows and hide. I am fully known and loved by God. And so are you! Let these truths settle in and take root in your heart. Let yourself be seen. Venture out and be who you were created to be. And know your courage just might give others the boldness to step out of the shadows, too....
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
The Retreat
This past weekend I spoke at a woman's retreat in Bedford Springs, Pennsylvania. We were at a spa resort which boasts eight natural springs purported to have healing qualities. It was wonderful. It reminded me why I so enjoy going to retreats.
As women, we spend a lot of time making sure we have on our armor and our masks. We want to protect ourselves from hurt and present a 'put together woman' to the world. Then we go to a retreat. It's a time for each woman to step out of her life and take a breath. It's a time where we can lower the armor and the mask and be who we really are. We get to practice vulnerability.
I'm always amazed at how worshipping, learning, and laughing together can allow women the freedom to share more freely what's really going on in their hearts and minds. We all start out as 'fine' and sooner or later are willing to talk about those things with which we are struggling. And as we lower our protective gear and share our hearts, others can come in to encourage and love us. It's a beautiful thing to see! Women listening to one another, crying with one another, celebrating with one another, praying with one another. It's seeing God's love in action. It's magnificent!
The key for me is to keep practicing vulnerability after the retreat ends. Satan is quick to whisper that I have taken off the mask and someone might see the real me. His lies say that who I am is not good enough and the mask must be put back on. This is where I must turn my focus on God and His truth. I am good enough and valuable because I am His. God reminds me that with my mask and armor on, I'm not able to receive the encouragement, love, and grace I need. So I keep the mask off. It can be scary. Sometimes others don't like what they see. But mostly, others are just relieved because they too are choosing to live without the mask. What freedom!
As women, we spend a lot of time making sure we have on our armor and our masks. We want to protect ourselves from hurt and present a 'put together woman' to the world. Then we go to a retreat. It's a time for each woman to step out of her life and take a breath. It's a time where we can lower the armor and the mask and be who we really are. We get to practice vulnerability.
I'm always amazed at how worshipping, learning, and laughing together can allow women the freedom to share more freely what's really going on in their hearts and minds. We all start out as 'fine' and sooner or later are willing to talk about those things with which we are struggling. And as we lower our protective gear and share our hearts, others can come in to encourage and love us. It's a beautiful thing to see! Women listening to one another, crying with one another, celebrating with one another, praying with one another. It's seeing God's love in action. It's magnificent!
The key for me is to keep practicing vulnerability after the retreat ends. Satan is quick to whisper that I have taken off the mask and someone might see the real me. His lies say that who I am is not good enough and the mask must be put back on. This is where I must turn my focus on God and His truth. I am good enough and valuable because I am His. God reminds me that with my mask and armor on, I'm not able to receive the encouragement, love, and grace I need. So I keep the mask off. It can be scary. Sometimes others don't like what they see. But mostly, others are just relieved because they too are choosing to live without the mask. What freedom!
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Someone Like Me
"You don't want someone like me." My heart broke as he said those words because I knew that he truly believed them.
My kids and I had been walking down the streets inviting people to come to a Thanksgiving feast we were helping with when we met him. He was surprised to see us and asked what we were doing there. We told him and invited him to join the festivities. He asked if we were from a church as he tried to hide his recently purchased beer and cigarettes in his jacket. We told him yes, and invited him again to join us. That's when he said those words that I couldn't get out of my head, "You don't want someone like me."
Someone like me....Someone who doesn't have it all together. Someone who struggles with addiction. Someone who struggles with negative self talk. Someone who struggles with anger. Someone who struggles with grief and sorrow. Someone who has made a mess of things. Someone who doesn't have anything to offer... I have been that someone. That someone I was sure no one wanted or would ever want. And yet, that's exactly who Jesus came for. He came for the lost and the broken, the sick and the lame, the hurt and the broken hearted, the "someones" of this world. He came for me, and for you, and for him.....
I saw tears in his eyes as I told him he was exactly who we wanted and that I'd be disappointed if he didn't come; I would miss him. He hugged me tightly and said he would. I wasn't sure, but I hoped.
He did come. It was wonderful to talk to him and get to know him. He even used my cell phone to call others to come! And he was one of the last leave.
I'm not sure he fully comprehends how deeply God loves him as he is now; broken, addicted, and messy. And I understand; that's a big love to grasp. My prayer and hope for him and for all of us "someones" is that we "grasp just how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and [that we] know (through experience) this love..." because there's nothing like knowing you are exactly who God wants (Ephesians 3:18-19).
My kids and I had been walking down the streets inviting people to come to a Thanksgiving feast we were helping with when we met him. He was surprised to see us and asked what we were doing there. We told him and invited him to join the festivities. He asked if we were from a church as he tried to hide his recently purchased beer and cigarettes in his jacket. We told him yes, and invited him again to join us. That's when he said those words that I couldn't get out of my head, "You don't want someone like me."
Someone like me....Someone who doesn't have it all together. Someone who struggles with addiction. Someone who struggles with negative self talk. Someone who struggles with anger. Someone who struggles with grief and sorrow. Someone who has made a mess of things. Someone who doesn't have anything to offer... I have been that someone. That someone I was sure no one wanted or would ever want. And yet, that's exactly who Jesus came for. He came for the lost and the broken, the sick and the lame, the hurt and the broken hearted, the "someones" of this world. He came for me, and for you, and for him.....
I saw tears in his eyes as I told him he was exactly who we wanted and that I'd be disappointed if he didn't come; I would miss him. He hugged me tightly and said he would. I wasn't sure, but I hoped.
He did come. It was wonderful to talk to him and get to know him. He even used my cell phone to call others to come! And he was one of the last leave.
I'm not sure he fully comprehends how deeply God loves him as he is now; broken, addicted, and messy. And I understand; that's a big love to grasp. My prayer and hope for him and for all of us "someones" is that we "grasp just how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and [that we] know (through experience) this love..." because there's nothing like knowing you are exactly who God wants (Ephesians 3:18-19).
Monday, October 21, 2013
Sifting for Treasure
A few months ago, a family down the street had a devastating house fire. It was an electrical fire that began in the beginning of the night. By the time the couple was awakened by the smoke, the room next to them was engulfed in flames. The fire quickly spread and destroyed the house. Thankfully, they were able to escape. Unfortunately their seven animals did not. The home owner was very emotional as she recounted her experience and the guilt of not being able to save her beloved pets. She said that she and her husband would rebuild the house, but it would never be the same.
Last week this couple began the process of tearing down what remained of the house. They watched as the bulldozer lifted the rubble to the dumpster. Then they sifted through the ashes to find anything to salvage. As I watched them, I thought about how I, too, have sifted through the ashes of devastating events looking for hidden treasures. Looking for purpose and meaning. Why has this happened? What am I supposed to learn from this experience? What is God trying to teach me? How can I mature and grow from this? How can I move on? I want to know that difficult and devastating events aren't just to torture me or break me. So I sift. I search.
I must admit, I don't always find satisfactory answers to my questions. There are some events that I still question. But thankfully, God is faithful. He brings beauty from my ashes. He gives me opportunities to minister to others who are facing similar difficulties. He shows me aspects of who He is in powerful, tangible ways to bring me closer to Him. He reminds me of important truths. He brings healing to those painful wounds. And He helps me rebuild using those precious treasures found in the ashes....
Last week this couple began the process of tearing down what remained of the house. They watched as the bulldozer lifted the rubble to the dumpster. Then they sifted through the ashes to find anything to salvage. As I watched them, I thought about how I, too, have sifted through the ashes of devastating events looking for hidden treasures. Looking for purpose and meaning. Why has this happened? What am I supposed to learn from this experience? What is God trying to teach me? How can I mature and grow from this? How can I move on? I want to know that difficult and devastating events aren't just to torture me or break me. So I sift. I search.
I must admit, I don't always find satisfactory answers to my questions. There are some events that I still question. But thankfully, God is faithful. He brings beauty from my ashes. He gives me opportunities to minister to others who are facing similar difficulties. He shows me aspects of who He is in powerful, tangible ways to bring me closer to Him. He reminds me of important truths. He brings healing to those painful wounds. And He helps me rebuild using those precious treasures found in the ashes....
Monday, September 23, 2013
My Rainbow Calendar
We have been in the same small city for three years now, yet my kids have not really found their places of belonging. So all summer I kept encouraging them to get involved, try new things, join clubs, participate in youth group activities, and meet new people. They listened. So, as back to school closed in and the activities increased, I began to run out of room on our family calendar. A new, bigger calendar was in order.
In an effort to save space and keep track of who had what activity, I assigned different colors for each child. I eagerly began writing down the various activities and events. There were cross-country and volleyball practices, games, and meets; various school club meetings; church meetings and activities; school registration events; orthodontist appointments; and babysitting, pet sitting, and house sitting. As the calendar filled up, I had a beautifully colored masterpiece......and an anxiety attack! Our relatively peaceful, not overly scheduled lives had become a rainbow of activity carefully plotted on the kitchen calendar.
Instead of feeling organized and ready to face the year, I wanted to run! An option my husband said was not going to work for him. So I did the only thing I could think of doing.....I starting repeating 'Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus!' over and over. (It's the same phrase I say when I ride a roller coaster or Ferris wheel.) As usual, He showed up to help! No, He didn't give me a personal assistant (although that would have been awesome!) or give me more hours in the day. Instead, He reminded me that He would be with me every step of the way, that He gave me a wonderful husband who is willing to dig in and help, and kids who have learned to offer me a lot of grace.
There are days when the sight of my rainbow calendar still overwhelms me; so I ask for help. And some things have fallen through the cracks, like a missed guitar lesson; so I ask for grace. Thankfully, I am given both....
In an effort to save space and keep track of who had what activity, I assigned different colors for each child. I eagerly began writing down the various activities and events. There were cross-country and volleyball practices, games, and meets; various school club meetings; church meetings and activities; school registration events; orthodontist appointments; and babysitting, pet sitting, and house sitting. As the calendar filled up, I had a beautifully colored masterpiece......and an anxiety attack! Our relatively peaceful, not overly scheduled lives had become a rainbow of activity carefully plotted on the kitchen calendar.
Instead of feeling organized and ready to face the year, I wanted to run! An option my husband said was not going to work for him. So I did the only thing I could think of doing.....I starting repeating 'Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus!' over and over. (It's the same phrase I say when I ride a roller coaster or Ferris wheel.) As usual, He showed up to help! No, He didn't give me a personal assistant (although that would have been awesome!) or give me more hours in the day. Instead, He reminded me that He would be with me every step of the way, that He gave me a wonderful husband who is willing to dig in and help, and kids who have learned to offer me a lot of grace.
There are days when the sight of my rainbow calendar still overwhelms me; so I ask for help. And some things have fallen through the cracks, like a missed guitar lesson; so I ask for grace. Thankfully, I am given both....
Monday, September 16, 2013
My Long Summer Break
In May, I decided to take some time off from writing. I planned to take four to six weeks off so I could get through the crazy end of school tests and events. But on the last day of school, it happened....My oldest daughter got in the van and said, "It's official; I'm a senior!" My heart stopped. Of course I knew she was going to be a senior and things would begin to change, but hearing it made it all too real. Her words marked the beginning of a new season of parenting for me, preparing to launch my children.
I knew this day would come and as excited as I am about the adventures that lay ahead for her and her siblings, I'm also a little anxious about what the future holds. For the last 18 years, I've been a mom. Even a few nights ago at a school function, I was introduced as 'the mom with all the kids'. Soon my identity will no longer be tied so closely to my children. I will return to being Karen. Before that happens, I want to soak in the time I have left.
So my short break turned into a much longer break. This summer we played. We went to a water park and the beach. We played games. We went swimming. We toured colleges. We watched movies and caught up on TV shows. We sat together and talked. And we laughed a lot. It was fabulous! I stored up memories that I will always cherish. Memories that make me smile and laugh out loud. Memories that comfort me when I think of what's to come. Memories I can share with their children some day. Memories that make my heart full. It was time well spent......
I knew this day would come and as excited as I am about the adventures that lay ahead for her and her siblings, I'm also a little anxious about what the future holds. For the last 18 years, I've been a mom. Even a few nights ago at a school function, I was introduced as 'the mom with all the kids'. Soon my identity will no longer be tied so closely to my children. I will return to being Karen. Before that happens, I want to soak in the time I have left.
So my short break turned into a much longer break. This summer we played. We went to a water park and the beach. We played games. We went swimming. We toured colleges. We watched movies and caught up on TV shows. We sat together and talked. And we laughed a lot. It was fabulous! I stored up memories that I will always cherish. Memories that make me smile and laugh out loud. Memories that comfort me when I think of what's to come. Memories I can share with their children some day. Memories that make my heart full. It was time well spent......
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