Healed Wounds

Sometimes deep wounds healed over time can be overlooked....

During the last days of my mom's life, my sister and I had wonderful opportunities to talk.  Some were light and surface level, others were deep and rich.  During one time of digging deeper, my sister asked if I had any desire to find and meet my biological father and his two daughters.  I said no.  Then she asked me a question I hadn't thought of asking myself....why?

Years ago, I would have answered very differently.  I considered looking for him.  I had so many questions.  Why did he leave?  Why didn't he visit?  Why didn't he write?  Why didn't he call?  Did I do something wrong?   Was he ashamed of me?  Really, I wanted to know what was so wrong with me that even my own father didn't want me.

So as I paused and searched my heart, I wondered why my answer changed. That's when I realized what God had done.  He had healed those childhood wounds more completely than I realized.  He had answered those questions I had for my father.  He told me that I was HIS child.  He told me that He had made me wonderfully.  He told me He loved me and rejoiced over me.  He told me that my father's leaving was not about me, but about him. 

Now with my questions answered and my heart filled with God's love, my desire to look for my father diminished.  The holes that once peppered my heart were no longer there.  Instead, there was wholeness and peace; there was forgiveness for my father.  God had been working faithfully.  Healing had come so sweetly and gently that I almost missed it....