The Lost Year

Have you ever felt like you've lost a year?  You know you lived it.  You got up, ate breakfast, did stuff, went home, ate dinner, did more stuff, went to bed.  And you did that over and over until 365 days had gone by.  But when you looked back, you realized that you hadn't done what you had really wanted or dreamed of doing.  You had just been marking time.

That's how it's been for me the past year or so. I had been doing the things that needed to get done to keep the house running and the kids alive, but had done little with my dream.  It's not because my family hadn't supported me or my dream. It's not because I suddenly became over run with activity and didn't have time.  I had just slowly pulled back from pursuing my passion.  And I had some great reasons why.  I had five teenagers which kept life active.  My oldest daughter was a senior and getting ready to go off to college.  My mom was diagnosed with cancer and was close to my home.  All of those things were true and became easy responses to the questions about why I wasn't writing.  But they were only excuses.  Reasons stuffed with lies. You know the lies I'm talking about.... You can't do it.  You aren't enough.   You don't have what it takes.  There are at least 50,000 other people who can do it better.  Who do you think you are?

Then something happened.  My mom died.  And at the time of her death, she had a lot of unfinished projects, mostly quilts.  Not because she had been putting them off, but because she ran out of time.  (Thankfully, she made arrangements for others to finish the quilts for the quad's graduation next year.)   As I looked at the packed boxes of material and patterns she had organized, I thought of my own unfinished projects.  My own unchased dreams.  Why would I put off doing what I love if I'm still here and have the gift of time? 

So I've decided to ignore the lies and pursue my dream of writing.  I have to admit, there are still days where the lies seep in.  I'm learning to take them captive and throw them out.  It's hard work.  And it's scary.  But I am determined to keep going while I still have time....