I have been throwing a temper tantrum for the last few weeks. Thankfully, it's been mostly in my mind and heart. (Because no one wants to see a middle aged woman throw herself on the floor to kick and scream...) Now why, you may ask, was I having this tantrum? For the usual reason; I was not getting my way. Plans were not working out as I had imagined. Things that I had done in the past were not reaping the same results as before. People were not responding to me the way I was hoping they would. Things just weren't going my way. I was left feeling disappointed, confused, and angry. So I began doing the mature thing; I went before God and began to complain and whine and stomp my feet. Thankfully, He can handle my childish behavior and still love me.
When I finally stopped and asked Him for help and clarity, He showed me Isaiah 43:18-19a. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" The ways I had done things in the past were fine and had worked, but God is wanting to do things differently this time. The problem is that I am comfortable and familiar with the 'old' ways. I don't see any reason to change. Yet, God sees the bigger picture and He cares about my growth and maturity.
So I am learning to let go of the former way of doing things. I wish I could say that it has been easy. It hasn't. New fears have emerged, my stubbornness has reached new heights, and I find myself grieving for the past when things seemed easier. But I'm also learning to trust God in new ways and I look forward to seeing what He has planned. So I've decided to stop the tantrum, resolved to forget the former ways and cling to God as He leads me in this new way. I'll let you know how it goes....
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Mistakes
Mistakes happen. We miscalculate. We make wrong choices. We drop the ball. When we do, we feel bad. We want to hide. We want to deny. We want to shift blame. We can even begin to define ourselves by our mistakes. And we think they disqualify us from pursuing our dreams. So we use them as an excuse to pack away our dreams and forget they were ever in our hearts.
But we are not defined by our mistakes. We are defined, at least in part, by what we do with them. Do we allow our mistakes to dictate who we are and what we will do? Or do we learn what we can from them and move on? God's word encourages us to do the latter. Philippians 3:13 says, 'forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus'. Forgetting what is behind requires us to let go of past mistakes. We acknowledge them, ask for forgiveness, make restitution, learn from them, and then let them go. In doing so, we are able to pursue what we have been called to do without being weighed down by our past.
We may not like to admit it, but we all make mistakes. We're human. The question is, are you going to use them as an excuse to give up, or will you let them go and press on?
But we are not defined by our mistakes. We are defined, at least in part, by what we do with them. Do we allow our mistakes to dictate who we are and what we will do? Or do we learn what we can from them and move on? God's word encourages us to do the latter. Philippians 3:13 says, 'forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus'. Forgetting what is behind requires us to let go of past mistakes. We acknowledge them, ask for forgiveness, make restitution, learn from them, and then let them go. In doing so, we are able to pursue what we have been called to do without being weighed down by our past.
We may not like to admit it, but we all make mistakes. We're human. The question is, are you going to use them as an excuse to give up, or will you let them go and press on?
Thursday, February 21, 2013
HD TV
We have a high definition television. When I watch TV with my family, I drive them crazy because I don't use the HD channels. I just haven't taken the time to remember the HD channels and, besides, the other channels seem fine. At least they were, until I saw something new.
One day, while watching a show on HD I saw them..... freckles on the face of a familiar actress. I had seen her several times before, but I had never seen her freckles. I was stunned. How could I have missed them? I wondered what else I had missed. All this time, I was satisfied with the quality of the picture. But as I looked at the picture in HD, I realized I was settling for good, when better was available to me.
I do that in my life sometimes. I settle for things I know; things that are comfortable. Usually those things are good. But are they the best? Is there something that's better for me? If there is, what stops me from letting go of the good and reaching for the better? It's usually complacency. What's before me is fine; it works, so why try out the new thing. Don't fix what isn't broken. Right? Maybe. But often, that new thing challenges me, stretches me, and makes me see things in a new way. It adds color, depth, and richness to my life.
So now I use the HD channels. (I do feel bad for actors and newscasters, though. You can see all the blemishes, flaws, and wrinkles that the make-up artists try so hard to cover up!) I enjoy seeing all the details in the picture. And I am reminded that it's okay to let go and try new things....
One day, while watching a show on HD I saw them..... freckles on the face of a familiar actress. I had seen her several times before, but I had never seen her freckles. I was stunned. How could I have missed them? I wondered what else I had missed. All this time, I was satisfied with the quality of the picture. But as I looked at the picture in HD, I realized I was settling for good, when better was available to me.
I do that in my life sometimes. I settle for things I know; things that are comfortable. Usually those things are good. But are they the best? Is there something that's better for me? If there is, what stops me from letting go of the good and reaching for the better? It's usually complacency. What's before me is fine; it works, so why try out the new thing. Don't fix what isn't broken. Right? Maybe. But often, that new thing challenges me, stretches me, and makes me see things in a new way. It adds color, depth, and richness to my life.
So now I use the HD channels. (I do feel bad for actors and newscasters, though. You can see all the blemishes, flaws, and wrinkles that the make-up artists try so hard to cover up!) I enjoy seeing all the details in the picture. And I am reminded that it's okay to let go and try new things....
Monday, February 11, 2013
A Hijacking
My life was recently hijacked..... Thankfully, the culprit has been caught. It was me. I hijacked my life from God.
Now, I didn't put a gun to God and tell Him to let me take over. But by going my own way, refusing to listen to Him, and not asking for assistance or even any advise, I hijacked my life. 'It's your life,' you may say, 'how can you steal something that's yours?' Ahhh- but my life is not my own. I belong to God. He's the one who bought me with the blood of Christ. He's the one with the plan. He knows where I'm to go and how I'm to get there. He's the one with the power and the knowledge. Yet, there are times when I have chosen to live as though I am my own; that I'm the one with the plan. And I do have plans. The problem is my plans don't always align with God's plans for me. And honestly, I don't even think to ask Him.
It's during those times that I find myself lost and confused. I'm not sure where I am or how I'm going to get to where I want to go. Quite frankly, I'm not sure where I really want to go anyway. So I am left feeling lost, alone, frustrated, and a little scared.
So what did I do when I realized I had hijacked my life again? I stopped, confessed my crime (sins) and asked for forgiveness. The beautiful thing about God is that when I ask, He always forgives. His grace and mercy flow generously over my life and heart. Upon thanking Him for His wonderful gift, I asked for help, direction, and wisdom. I let Him decide where I go, how I get there, and when. And now my life is filled with peace and contentment.
Along the way, I know I will be tempted to go my own way again. I pray that in those times, God reminds of the uncertainty when I go my way and that I'll leave the driving to Him...
Now, I didn't put a gun to God and tell Him to let me take over. But by going my own way, refusing to listen to Him, and not asking for assistance or even any advise, I hijacked my life. 'It's your life,' you may say, 'how can you steal something that's yours?' Ahhh- but my life is not my own. I belong to God. He's the one who bought me with the blood of Christ. He's the one with the plan. He knows where I'm to go and how I'm to get there. He's the one with the power and the knowledge. Yet, there are times when I have chosen to live as though I am my own; that I'm the one with the plan. And I do have plans. The problem is my plans don't always align with God's plans for me. And honestly, I don't even think to ask Him.
It's during those times that I find myself lost and confused. I'm not sure where I am or how I'm going to get to where I want to go. Quite frankly, I'm not sure where I really want to go anyway. So I am left feeling lost, alone, frustrated, and a little scared.
So what did I do when I realized I had hijacked my life again? I stopped, confessed my crime (sins) and asked for forgiveness. The beautiful thing about God is that when I ask, He always forgives. His grace and mercy flow generously over my life and heart. Upon thanking Him for His wonderful gift, I asked for help, direction, and wisdom. I let Him decide where I go, how I get there, and when. And now my life is filled with peace and contentment.
Along the way, I know I will be tempted to go my own way again. I pray that in those times, God reminds of the uncertainty when I go my way and that I'll leave the driving to Him...
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Don't Get Your Hopes Up
Have you heard the phrase, "don't get your hopes up"? Have you said it to yourself or others? I have. My question is, does saying it really help? Does holding your hope at bay protect you from disappointment? Does your heart ache any less by not getting your hopes up? Not once has it worked for me. I still get disappointed. My heart still aches. The tears still come. It doesn't work. And while I try to hold my hope at bay, I find it difficult to dream and experience joy in the present. It's crazy. So I will get my hopes up and continue to dream big.......
Friday, January 25, 2013
Asking for Help
I need help... Those three little words can be so difficult to say. Almost as hard as saying I'm sorry. (that's for another time) I said those words to my oldest daughter this past weekend. I was stuck and needed help.
Over the last month or so, I had let my office area become virtually unusable. There were many reasons: the holidays with all its busyness, my 'I'll get to that tomorrow' attitude, the fact that five kids' worth of paper multiplies during the night.....But the real reason was that I had not really made the space my own.
My husband and I share a very manly office space at home. It has dark panelled walls with dark wood floors and dark granite for a work top. The previous owner designed it as his man cave disguised as an office. As a result, it has not felt like a warm and inviting space for me to be, so it became a dumping ground for every ones' stuff. The space was becoming a problem, though, because that's where I write and research. So after taking time off from writing during the holidays, I was having a hard time getting going again because I didn't want to be in the office. I was stuck. I needed help. Honestly, though, I didn't really want to ask for help. I knew what needed to be done- cleaning, organizing, a little decorating- and I knew those were things that I could do myself. I'd done them before and even helped a couple of friends before with similar tasks. Yet, I was having a hard time doing them now. I was getting more and more frustrated. That's when I decided to do it....I asked for help.
My oldest daughter is a natural organizer. She loves doing it for herself and for others and she's very good, so I asked her. To be honest, I felt a twinge of shame. I'm the mom; I'm the one who's supposed to be the helper, not the helped. I also knew that by asking, she was going to see all my stuff. Would she cringe? Would she judge? Would she be disappointed that I had let it get to this point? I wasn't sure, but I knew without her help, I would remain stuck and that was unacceptable. So I asked. She was thrilled! When we got to the office, I was overwhelmed at the sight. Not her. She dove right in and got me sorting my stuff. She helped me evaluate things when I was unsure whether to toss or keep them. She helped me let go of things that I didn't really need. She reminded me of our goal, to make the space usable and inspiring. As I sorted, she organized, labeled, and decorated. The end result is a clean, usable, and inspiring place for me to come and do my thing.
Now when I walk into the office, I feel energized and excited to work. I am so grateful that I took the risk and asked for help. Too often in the past, I wouldn't have asked. I would have let shame, fear, or even martyrdom stop me. But I'm coming to understand the importance of getting help in various aspects of my life. It seems risky. Others may get a glimpse of my mess. Some may judge. Some may misunderstand. That's okay. I'm asking anyway...
Over the last month or so, I had let my office area become virtually unusable. There were many reasons: the holidays with all its busyness, my 'I'll get to that tomorrow' attitude, the fact that five kids' worth of paper multiplies during the night.....But the real reason was that I had not really made the space my own.
My husband and I share a very manly office space at home. It has dark panelled walls with dark wood floors and dark granite for a work top. The previous owner designed it as his man cave disguised as an office. As a result, it has not felt like a warm and inviting space for me to be, so it became a dumping ground for every ones' stuff. The space was becoming a problem, though, because that's where I write and research. So after taking time off from writing during the holidays, I was having a hard time getting going again because I didn't want to be in the office. I was stuck. I needed help. Honestly, though, I didn't really want to ask for help. I knew what needed to be done- cleaning, organizing, a little decorating- and I knew those were things that I could do myself. I'd done them before and even helped a couple of friends before with similar tasks. Yet, I was having a hard time doing them now. I was getting more and more frustrated. That's when I decided to do it....I asked for help.
My oldest daughter is a natural organizer. She loves doing it for herself and for others and she's very good, so I asked her. To be honest, I felt a twinge of shame. I'm the mom; I'm the one who's supposed to be the helper, not the helped. I also knew that by asking, she was going to see all my stuff. Would she cringe? Would she judge? Would she be disappointed that I had let it get to this point? I wasn't sure, but I knew without her help, I would remain stuck and that was unacceptable. So I asked. She was thrilled! When we got to the office, I was overwhelmed at the sight. Not her. She dove right in and got me sorting my stuff. She helped me evaluate things when I was unsure whether to toss or keep them. She helped me let go of things that I didn't really need. She reminded me of our goal, to make the space usable and inspiring. As I sorted, she organized, labeled, and decorated. The end result is a clean, usable, and inspiring place for me to come and do my thing.
Now when I walk into the office, I feel energized and excited to work. I am so grateful that I took the risk and asked for help. Too often in the past, I wouldn't have asked. I would have let shame, fear, or even martyrdom stop me. But I'm coming to understand the importance of getting help in various aspects of my life. It seems risky. Others may get a glimpse of my mess. Some may judge. Some may misunderstand. That's okay. I'm asking anyway...
Monday, January 21, 2013
Princess
We have a dog named Princess. She is a 74 pound doberman/hound mix. A local vet found her at a park, nursed her back to health and put her up for adoption. We've had her now for almost ten years. She is physically strong, loyal, and very strong-willed and stubborn. Upon meeting her for the first time, her experienced dog trainer said, "Oh my, she is strong-willed. This will be challenging."
Princess' stubbornness was in full force this past week when she had four teeth pulled. (It's hard getting old even when you're a dog!) She was still heavily medicated when we picked her up from the vet so we carried her into the house and took her to her pillow expecting her to lie down. She refused. She just stood there. After a few seconds, her back legs gave way and she fell onto the floor. We thought that she would just stay down, realizing that standing was not a good plan. But, no, not her. She gathered herself together and stood again. A few seconds later, she fell. She gathered herself and, yes, stood again. She repeated this cycle a couple of more times. We finally just put her on her pillow, made her sit, and then made her lie down. To keep her down, the kids took turns sitting next to her with a hand on her back reminding her to stay put.
As I watched our dog repeat this cycle of standing, falling, and standing again, I couldn't help but laugh at her stubborn determination. She was bound and determined to stand even though lying down was best for her. It made me think of myself. I can be very stubborn and strong-willed; sometimes to my own detriment, just like Princess. I dig in my heels and refuse to do or refrain from doing what is best for me. I must look as silly as Princess; repeating behavior that doesn't work yet hoping that the results will change. I'm sure there are times when God shakes his head and chuckles as he waits for me to put aside my stubborn attitude. My hope is the next time my stubbornness rears it's head, I'll think of Princess and just lie down....
Princess' stubbornness was in full force this past week when she had four teeth pulled. (It's hard getting old even when you're a dog!) She was still heavily medicated when we picked her up from the vet so we carried her into the house and took her to her pillow expecting her to lie down. She refused. She just stood there. After a few seconds, her back legs gave way and she fell onto the floor. We thought that she would just stay down, realizing that standing was not a good plan. But, no, not her. She gathered herself together and stood again. A few seconds later, she fell. She gathered herself and, yes, stood again. She repeated this cycle a couple of more times. We finally just put her on her pillow, made her sit, and then made her lie down. To keep her down, the kids took turns sitting next to her with a hand on her back reminding her to stay put.
As I watched our dog repeat this cycle of standing, falling, and standing again, I couldn't help but laugh at her stubborn determination. She was bound and determined to stand even though lying down was best for her. It made me think of myself. I can be very stubborn and strong-willed; sometimes to my own detriment, just like Princess. I dig in my heels and refuse to do or refrain from doing what is best for me. I must look as silly as Princess; repeating behavior that doesn't work yet hoping that the results will change. I'm sure there are times when God shakes his head and chuckles as he waits for me to put aside my stubborn attitude. My hope is the next time my stubbornness rears it's head, I'll think of Princess and just lie down....
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