Legacy

Leaving a legacy....  Most of us want to live a life of purpose and meaning.  We want to leave a meaningful legacy to the next generation.  I often think about what I want to leave to my children: a faith lived out with passion, pearls of wisdom, memories of dinners hardly eaten because we were laughing so hard, compassion, well worn bibles with lots of notes, a willingness to try new things, a sense of adventure.  It seems, at first, that in order to leave a meaningful legacy, you need a long life.  Yet, I know that's not true.  My sister taught me about trusting God and the sactity of life...in just nine days.

In the month before my sixteenth birthday, my mom gave birth to my first sibling, my sister.  We had anticipated her arrival for months.  She was the first grandchild for my step-dad's family and was the sibling I had been asking for for years.   When my mom went into labor, we loaded up to go to the hospital filled with joy and an eagerness to finally meet her face to face.  Soon after we arrived, I knew something was terribly wrong.  My mom had an emergency C-section and our fears were realized.  My sister had aspirated meconium and her lungs were badly damaged.  She died nine days later.  We were devastated. 

Yet, I am reminded of her life every time I think about my kids.   When we first learned I was pregnant with quadruplets, the doctors immediately (I was still on the ultrasound bed) started telling me to reduce the number of babies.  They said that I would never be able to carry all four of them and that if I didn't reduce the number, I would lose them all.  I thought about my sister.  All the times I got to hear her heartbeat during the pregnancy.  The joy of preparing for her arrival.  The thrill of seeing her face and who she resembled.  The mixture of awe and sorrow as we held her for the first and last time.  Remembering her, I knew I could not make the decision as to which of my children would live and which would be terminated.  So my husband and I decided to trust God.  There were several times during my pregnancy and the weeks after their birth that we thought one or more of them might not make it.  Yet, I remembered how God walked with me after my sister's death and He was with me still. 

I learned a lot in the nine days my sister was alive.   Life is precious, but not guaranteed.  God can be trusted.  He may not spare me from pain, but He is faithful to walk with me through the pain. So now as I look at my children, I see the wonderful legacy my sister left.  And it makes me smile!