Letting it go

Letting it go is hard to do.  My son couldn't find his jacket the other morning.  For most of my kids misplacing an object is frustrating, but not the end of the world.  For this son, it has the potential to ruin a perfectly good day.  He does what many autistic people do, he perseverates on an idea or situation and has trouble letting it go and moving on.  (Notice how I used a big word there?  I helped with science and math homework last night...Using a big word makes me feel better.)  Basically, he becomes obsessive about an idea or situation.  It can become all consuming.  We have worked for years to develop strategies and techniques to help him 'let it go'.   So as I saw the level of his anxiety elevate, I reminded him to do just that.  He took time to sit alone and take deep breaths.  We talked about possible solutions; looking for the jacket, asking his teachers if he left it in class, or getting a new one.  In the end, we talked about not letting a lost jacket ruin his day.  He finally said he was ready to let it go.  I hoped he was, but I knew better.  He has let go of things before only to bring them up again and again.  Sure enough, on the way to school, he started getting anxious about his jacket again. 

That's the funny thing about letting go; just when you think you have, it can come back.  You let go of the past, only to have it rear its ugly head.  You let go of a hurt, but something is said that reminds you of its pain.  You let go of certain habits, only to be ensnared again.  When I tell my son to let it go, it seems so easy, so final.  I wish it were.  Instead, I find that I have to remind myself to let it go...again.  I can start to get frustrated with myself.  Why can't I just let it go and be done with it?  Because I'm human and far from perfect.  So I let it go again, hoping it's for good this time.....