It's been a very long, cold, bitter winter. I have friends and family in the North who are tired and weary of the cold, the snow, the shoveling, the ice, and the cancelled school days. Even here in the South our winter has been colder and longer than usual. So I can't tell you how thrilled I was to see the first signs of Spring; the tiny buds on our trees and bushes indicating new life. How I have been longing to see them come!
That same longing occurs when I endure a long, difficult season in my personal life. A season that keeps dumping more and more on my already overwhelmed circumstances. A season that sometimes leaves me feeling trapped, keeping me indoors, isolated from others, and unable to freely move about. A season that seems to never end. I get tired and weary, wondering if I can really make it through another storm. I long for a new season, new life. And then it comes...the first signs of Spring. A day with laughter after the loss of a loved one. A day at school without a tantrum for your child with Autism. A peaceful, loving conversation with your teenager who seems to be angry all the time. A call for a second interview after months of looking for a job.
Signs of Spring. We need them. We long for them. They help us persevere. They are reminders that this season will end.....
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Survival of the Early Years
When people find out that I have five children including a set of quadruplets, I'm usually asked how I did it. How did I survive and maintain my sanity? I usually answer the same way; by the grace of God and our church family.
God put us in a church that loved others and was willing to jump in when needed. We had over a hundred people who came to our house to help with babies, house cleaning, lawn work, and meals. And God supernaturally helped my husband and I to just do what we had to do. I've noticed, though, that this answer, while true, doesn't seem to satisfy. Really, what people want are some specific things we did when faced with a God sized calling. So here are a few.
We admitted our great need. We knew we were in way over our heads. In fact, I told God several times during the early part of my pregnancy that I was not going to be able to handle five kids. I was not equipped in any way shape or form. And this was not the plan that we had for our lives. Admitting our need may have seemed like an obvious thing to do given the circumstances, but it was difficult. My husband and I were driven people who liked to control and plan things. (We still do.) We were taught to do what you had to do to help yourself in life. Now we had to admit to others that we needed help; we couldn't do it ourselves. It was hard.
We let others help even when it was uncomfortable. It was strange having people in our house all the time; seeing our dirt and mess. Women came to our house to clean our toilets and mop the floors. Those are things I would normally do before people came over. Yet all I could do was thank them. One of the most difficult days for my husband was when our pastors wife mowed our lawn. She was just being a mom and helping her teenage boys who had volunteered to mow. But there she was, in the front yard doing what he had always been able to do, but couldn't now. Letting others help was very humbling.
We prayed. We prayed for God's help, His wisdom and guidance, His provision, His strength. And He was faithful. God provided laborers. He provided expensive formula from a doctor who knew our need. He provided financially through my husband's job. He gave us strength when we were at the end of ourselves and felt like we just could not go anymore. We experienced first hand the miracles of God.
I reached out for specific help. As I said earlier, I was not equipped for five small children. I knew I needed help. I asked a wonderful woman (the one who mowed our lawn) if she would meet with me and be my mentor. I had questions about raising children and she offered answers covered in prayer and love. I reached out to my doctor when I thought I was going crazy trying to keep it all together. (She had four kids including a set of twins so she understood my life!) I reached out to a Christian counselor so she could help me with my perfectionism. I reached out to friends to help me maintain perspective and provide fun and laughter. I learned the importance of community and friendship.
We took breaks from the day to day demands. My husband and I had a lot of dates the first couple of years after the quads were born. We knew we needed time to be together and reconnect as a couple. We also gave each other breaks. The best thing my husband did for me was book a hotel room for a night. I would go in the afternoon and not come back until the next day. I got to do whatever I wanted. I would sleep, read, watch a movie, eat an entire meal before it got cold, and enjoy the quiet. He did this several times for me. It's probably the main reason we're still married and I didn't lose my mind!
In the end, it boiled down to God's grace and our church family. It still does....
God put us in a church that loved others and was willing to jump in when needed. We had over a hundred people who came to our house to help with babies, house cleaning, lawn work, and meals. And God supernaturally helped my husband and I to just do what we had to do. I've noticed, though, that this answer, while true, doesn't seem to satisfy. Really, what people want are some specific things we did when faced with a God sized calling. So here are a few.
We admitted our great need. We knew we were in way over our heads. In fact, I told God several times during the early part of my pregnancy that I was not going to be able to handle five kids. I was not equipped in any way shape or form. And this was not the plan that we had for our lives. Admitting our need may have seemed like an obvious thing to do given the circumstances, but it was difficult. My husband and I were driven people who liked to control and plan things. (We still do.) We were taught to do what you had to do to help yourself in life. Now we had to admit to others that we needed help; we couldn't do it ourselves. It was hard.
We let others help even when it was uncomfortable. It was strange having people in our house all the time; seeing our dirt and mess. Women came to our house to clean our toilets and mop the floors. Those are things I would normally do before people came over. Yet all I could do was thank them. One of the most difficult days for my husband was when our pastors wife mowed our lawn. She was just being a mom and helping her teenage boys who had volunteered to mow. But there she was, in the front yard doing what he had always been able to do, but couldn't now. Letting others help was very humbling.
We prayed. We prayed for God's help, His wisdom and guidance, His provision, His strength. And He was faithful. God provided laborers. He provided expensive formula from a doctor who knew our need. He provided financially through my husband's job. He gave us strength when we were at the end of ourselves and felt like we just could not go anymore. We experienced first hand the miracles of God.
I reached out for specific help. As I said earlier, I was not equipped for five small children. I knew I needed help. I asked a wonderful woman (the one who mowed our lawn) if she would meet with me and be my mentor. I had questions about raising children and she offered answers covered in prayer and love. I reached out to my doctor when I thought I was going crazy trying to keep it all together. (She had four kids including a set of twins so she understood my life!) I reached out to a Christian counselor so she could help me with my perfectionism. I reached out to friends to help me maintain perspective and provide fun and laughter. I learned the importance of community and friendship.
We took breaks from the day to day demands. My husband and I had a lot of dates the first couple of years after the quads were born. We knew we needed time to be together and reconnect as a couple. We also gave each other breaks. The best thing my husband did for me was book a hotel room for a night. I would go in the afternoon and not come back until the next day. I got to do whatever I wanted. I would sleep, read, watch a movie, eat an entire meal before it got cold, and enjoy the quiet. He did this several times for me. It's probably the main reason we're still married and I didn't lose my mind!
In the end, it boiled down to God's grace and our church family. It still does....
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